Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Important Questions...

1) How does one display 4" of ass crack and not feel it?

The Scene: VDay, 2007; a bar in the Mission
The culprit: Some guy sitting at said bar

Seriously. I mean seriously. 4" of ass crack. For anyone to stare at. It was god-awful. Party C first pointed it out. It then felt like a train wreck - I really didn't want to watch, but at the same time I couldn't tear my eyes away. Party C got her picture taken with the guy (he wasn't aware). You had to have felt some sort of breeze anytime someone walked by - pull your shirt down please! Or else, put a tip jar out - I would've given you $5 to be so ballsy as to show off that much crack in a public place. Yai yai yai!

2) Where exactly is the hippie toy-store located?

The Scene: GG Park, Feb 17th, 2007; Hippie Hill
The culprit: Everyone in the park except for me, Party C, Blondie, Carrie with a B, Porn King and GirlfriendJ.

It started out innocently enough. Blondie: "Look at the guy with the balls". Pretty soon, it seemed like everyone had toys out. Not just regular toys (frisbees, cards, beers!!!), but hippie toys (hula hoops, scarves attached to strings, cups on strings that you tossed in the air and caught on strings, balls you rolled up and down your arms, etc, etc, etc). Carrie with a B, in excruciatingly hysterical form on Saturday, made a comment that if he came through the area on stilts, he'd fit right in. Which led to a crack about juggling bowling pins while on stilts. Which led to someone (Party C? Blondie?) pointing out the guy juggling bowling pins (he wasn't on stilts though). The drum circle and about 30 beers rounded out the day nicely.

A shout out to Brother Lynn - "Francisco. That's fun to say!" "I'm in a store and I'm singing!"

3) If one has to get up at 3 am to work (on a day that a lot of people had off), how much should one drink the day before?

Who cares? Work sucks anyway.

4) If my burrito smells like ass, should I still eat it?

Hells yes! Because it didn't smell like ass! You were toasted Mr Kilowatt man!

And finally a shout out to Party C - you were a trooper this weekend. I'm still not sure how we do it. And I have to give you kudos - no way could I have eaten only 2 eggs on Sunday, gotten a new tat, and still partied it out Sunday night like you did. Sniff. Party C, you're my hero!!!!

Someone come visit me.


Monday, February 12, 2007

It was a pretty good weekend. Last Thursday was the first of hopefully many poker games to be played with the guys. It looks like it will be a pretty good group. You can always tell that by the sheer volume of beers that we all put away! Friday was another beerfull night out. Brad, C and I whooped it up at Mad Dog in the Fog for the majority of the night while C modeled her stylish new button dress in the bar. Saturday was a day of hangoverness in the morning. The plan to go running in the morning was quickly scraped in favor of the more suitable "don't move from the bed" plan. We did manage to finally leave the city and head out to Berkeley. K, J, C and I all went on a road trip to take J to the dentist, tour the Berkeley campus, grab a bite of Jupiter food, and buy C some shinny new yellow galoshes and umbrella. I dropped them off at Toronodo in the Haight on the way back so they could get some afternoon drinking in while I dutifully headed home and spun my wheels on the project that I'm working on for work. That was a waste, but at least it's looking better now. And finally Sunday was a nice relaxing day sitting in front of the TV and catching up on a weeks worth of DVRs. It must have been the rain on Saturday, because K and I are both sick now with sore throats and stuffy noses. Hopefully that will clear up soon. In the meantime it's lots of chicken noodle soup, orange juice and Nyquil.


Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Vegas Baby!

Yes, it was a good weekend. As you may or may not know, we have a yearly guys Super Bowl excursion to Vegas. This year was one that will be told to generations upon generations. I ended up a couple hundred up, which was pretty good considering I had a track record of losing my shirt every trip there. However, this story isn't about me and my measly two little bills. It's about a guy name Matt, or more commonly know by the name Lucky Bastard (LB or DLB).

We had a group of about 12 guys total this year, which divided up into half LB's friends and half his Dad's friends. We all get in on Friday at some point in the day. I got in pretty early and met up with Nate and Mike and hung around most of the morning and hit the daily noon poker tournament. Nate and I were knocked out, but Mike made it to the 10 spot, so he ended up getting a payout, which was cool. The rest of the afternoon was pretty nice for me. Craps was by far the most generous that day to me since I was up $400 after a couple hours of play. Generally I was always up during the course of the weekend with a couple times falling back down to even. I played mostly craps and blackjack, but a few spins of the roulette wheel and a couple poker tournaments rounded out the weekend nicely. It's about 9 when LB finally gets in from Dallas with Tracy and Klaus to follow. The rest of the night is spent at various table games. Some of us get to sleep early (around 2) and a couple (LB included) make up some lost time since their planes got in late and pretty much stay up all night. We're awaken at 7am by a DLB (Drunken Lucky Bastard) who stumbles in and declares "I hope you don't mind me putting my huge fricken pile o' money on the floor" as he pulls stacks and stacks out of his pockets and makes a big pile in the middle of the suite. All told the first night he was up around $8K. Not bad for someone so drunk he fell a few times in the hallway coming back to the room! Since we were all staying at the Rio, which is fairly isolated from the strip, they have you at their mercy as far as table limits. They definitely jacked them all up this weekend. There wasn't a $5 game in the house and I only saw 2 tables at $10. So most of the time we had to hit the $15/$25 tables. Normally this would tend to cause larger than normal losses, however, as you can see it was quite the opposite fate for DLB. He started out at the normal rate of $25 a hand and managed to get an early lead and just kept bumping the bets up accordingly... $50, $100, $200, $400, $600... After leaving his big pile o' money on the floor we felt it necessary to at least get one good incriminating pic of him...

The next day was a day of up and down and back to even for me. The one highlight was the full house I hit in Caribbean Stud which paid close to $400. That evening was a completely different story for DLB. I would say LB, but I think he woke up still drunk, so he kept going with the DLB moniker. The evening wore on and his stack kept growing at an amazing pace. Some of us went clubbing to give our up and down funds some stability, if only for a while. In the meantime DLB stuck to the tables to keep the bankroll going. At the end of the night (aka 8am) DLB stumbled in with 20 large. That's right, that DDLB (Damn Drunken Lucky Bastard) just more than doubled his stake in the casino's profits and couldn't even see straight. Toward the end of that night before heading up, he tried to make it over to the restrooms to give back a portion of the Dewar's that he had so generously taken off the Casino's hands, but didn't quite make it. Luckily a trashcan was on the way, so one quick blast from the gut in the trashcan and he was on his way back to the tables. What a trooper!

Superbowl Sunday. The day we came to Vegas for. And ironically we didn't have any Super Bowl party tickets. We had tried various times during the weekend to get reservations, but everything always seemed booked. That is until DLB sat down at a table an hour before Kickoff time. He pulled his stack of hondo's out and started the hands out with 3 bills. Yup, won the first hand. And the second. Split the third and won them both. Doubled down on the forth and got the 10 to double up. All told he won the first 12 hands and 19 out of the first 20. That brought his total up past the $25K that was the highpoint of the weekend. He was well known by the dealers and pit bosses by this point in the weekend and had done something that his Dad hasn't done yet in countless trips to Vegas. Earn Diamond status at the Casino. It is a shiny bright card, which stands out against the dim Gold Status cards that the rest of us had. So right before the Super Bowl he manages (with the help of the real big roller Jim) to get the remaining 4 of us that didn't have tickets yet to a party, some tickets to an open-bar, all-you-can-eat party, with huge wall sized projection screen TVs and a lot of rowdy fans. Not bad. Not bad at all.

And that takes us to a kick ass Super Bowl! It came complete with text wars with Slick (see K's blog below) over who would win the game. Of course the first one I received was simply "Bears". And the first one he got back was "Suck". Not much later he received "Colts" and I got back the "Suck" texts. The exchange was typically done after one side scored. Of course I had to send a couple "Send Griese In" and "Go Grossman" after a superbly timed interception ;-) And with the Colts win, the hated Bears were exposed as wannabes and their fans were united in hating Grossman. Ah, a season well done. Of course we can't leave out that the Packers must have shattered the Bears spirits just enough during the crushing last game of the season, that the Bears knew that they were pretenders all along.

I won 7 out of 8 bets on the game, so I was pretty happy. The Colts won, there was more than 3.5 field goals, more than 1.5 interceptions, the game ended with an even score, the first team that scored lost, there were no safeties, and there was no overtime. The only one I lost was that there were not over 4.5 sacks.

Sunday night was a drunken blur of gambling, clubbing, and only getting an hour of sleep before we had to take off for the airport. All told it was a damn good weekend. All 6 of us left ahead, which is unheard of. It's nice to see the Rio so accommodating in giving us their money when they gave the impression that they wanted to take it all with such high table minimums! The phrase "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" luckily didn't apply to DLB's big pile o' cash.

I got home at around 3pm on Monday and didn't get out of bed until 6am Tuesday Morning. That's definitely a sign that you've just been to Vegas!

Ah, Vegas Baby!

Bear down! Or not...

Chicago was, in 1 giant word made by combining different words, fan-gor-bla-smic. I combined fantastic, gorgeous, blast and orgasmic. Although I honestly just stuck orgasmic on the end b/c I like how it sounds rolled together. Fangorblasmic. Ahh, I like my new word!

Chicago was also very very cold. I landed Saturday early afternoon and called Slick. He informed me that it was "cold" outside. Well, cold can mean anything from "if I had testicles they'd be curled up inside my body" cold to "a sweater will do" cold. It was the testicle cold. I seriously don't think the actual high got over 5 degrees, with temps regularly into the -10 degree area.

Saturday we ended up hitting the bar around 3 pm and shooting pool for several hours. The delightful Miss Funke and Fish joined us around 7 pm. We braved the testicle-cold (TC from now on out) to go to dinner and then we braved TC again to go back to the bar. Then it was back to Slick's to make fun of the new Superman movie. OMG - that movie is BAD. But the new Superman is quite the hottie (although nobody is as hot as my blondie!)

Then it was Sunday. Time to don our Chicago Bears gear and BEAR DOWN. It was still TC so we moved straight from Slick's to the bar. IT WAS INSANE. I can't stress that enough. And when the Bears lost (tee hee!), I honestly thought half the bar was going to line up to throw themselves in front of trucks or something. I was cheering, but I was doing it silently and with a sad look on my face, so I didn't get the shit kicked out of me. The lone Colts fan in the bar did get into a fight - some girl on girl 'fighting' (aka slapping) that had me laughing my ass off.

Monday involved me sleeping more than I thought was possible. I'd periodically wake up to laugh that Slick had to work, and then I'd go right back to napping. But Monday night was a drunken mess. From a huge pitcher of tequila (the restaurant called it margaritas, but they forgot everything that goes into making margaritas except for the tequila), to a bottle of wine back at Slick's, to me and Slick deciding we needed more beer... Top that with the chili I ate for lunch and the mexican I had for dinner...

And that leads us into the longest flight back ever on Tues. Seriously. On a cramped plane, stuck for 2 hours on the tarmac for deicing, landing way late in Oakland, having to take a bus and 2 trains to get home... I could've kissed my toilet and probably would've but I also know the last time we cleaned that thing and while I will let my ass touch it, no other part of my body is allowed near it.

In good news, The Co-Creators of the Cutest Kid in the World (aka my brother and his wife) are coming to visit!!!! Our first official family-visitors! We can't wait to see you guys. Let us know as soon as you buy tics!

Hey blondie - where is your post about the Vegas weekend?


Friday, February 02, 2007

Taking the old liv-liv to drunk town...

In preparation for our various weekend trips (yours truly to Chi-town, blondie to Vegas), we've decided to get in a few good workouts. Specifically, we decided we needed our livers and kidneys in fighting form.

It started innocently enough on Wed. A call from a friend who managed to get herself dumped from jury duty... we needed to celebrate! Yay! No more jury duty! A whole group of us went to eat cheap sushi and drink expensive drinks. Party C left after a bit, she had a hot date to get home to, but the rest of us moved a few streets over to booze it up with the residents of the Financial District. (Blondie had killed himself running out to the Pacific Ocean on Wed, so he was home dying). Jury Duty's sister came out, and it was all bets off by then. Party C's date ended up bailing so she called Blondie and they went out in our 'hood. Yours truly kept pouring them down in the Fi-Di.

Then, it was time to go home. But not quite. Instead of just doing the smart thing which would've been realizing I was drunk, I decided Party C and Blondie needed some company so I joined them at the bar in the 'hood. Uh. Right. All of us were schnockered.

Thurs was not pleasant for anyone.

Thurs night Blondie went and got a nice shiny new haircut (he looks HOT), and then called yours truly to meet up at "the place between the pharmacy and Zazie's" (i.e. the bar in the 'hood). Then we went to grab some dinner where we ran into the Porn King and his friend Kari with a K. Porn King suggested giving Party C a call, so we did and she came and joined us. It was just a few drinks, but enough to give yours truly a spurt of drinking power. It was an early night b/c Blondie is on his way to Vegas EARLY today.

I don't know about Blondie and his friends, but Slick better watch out... I'm ready and raring to go after the last few days. Ready and raring...

Go Colts! Or rather, just Don't Go Bears.