Exhaustion

Warning: self-pity out the ass coming at you. Skip it if this kind of shit annoys you. Or honestly, skip it even if it doesn't annoy you. It's not going to be pretty.

Work 2 weeks ago was tough - we've been dealing with some things at the 3rd party site that make each day I'm there a mix of adrenaline and terror. I ended up staying the night 2 weeks ago on Tuesday - the commute back and forth isn't so bad, it's the 5 am alarm that's killing me. So I stayed the night and ended up waking up at 5 am Wed anyway with my mind on work. And got up for the day then which pissed me off because I could've stayed in NYC for that.

On Thursday 2 weeks ago, it literally felt like a vacation. I met up with the CTO of my company in Tribeca and hitched a ride out to my NJ/PA site with him. He was going to meet with some of the team members there, and I tagged along as I just wanted to see everyone and sit in on the meetings. It felt like a vacation because I didn't have to meet him until 8:30 am, which meant I could sleep in. The meetings went really well, and he told me after that the staff members had raved about me to him (I had stepped out of the room for about 30 minutes at one point to meet with someone else and that's when this happened). So that was good.

After that, it was back to the office for a 1/2 day - putting it 2.5 days physically in the office since the middle of January. My boss was so excited to see me that he actually called a team happy hour and we left the office early (so 2.5 hours in the office). And 2 weeks ago Friday, I threw in the towel. My exhaustion is palpable right now - I can almost taste it sometimes; the feeling of being too tired to even yawn, too tired to even move as I sit on a train leaving NYC and wondering how I'm going to walk a mile when I get to my NJ site, and then arriving at my stop and somehow finding the energy to drag myself and my laptop bag to my site, and then getting hit with sheer panic at things that are happening. I was so done in 2 weeks ago I couldn't bear it. And I got them to replace me onsite for a day with someone else, while I drug myself to the office instead.

Needless to say, that weekend was a bust. We didn't do jack shit. I literally got in bed on Sunday and didn't move. Up until my bar friend texted that she wanted to meet up for a beer for her birthday. So we found the motivation and headed to our local to meet up with her and our friends (1 hour late, it took us that long to rally). It was only a few drinks because...

It was yet another week of traveling. Out to the NJ site on Monday and Tuesday - things were still not great. I had help both days which was nice, but it was still an intense 2 days, ending with a super late Tuesday night and a flat out run to the train station at the end to make sure I didn't miss the last train to NYC. Which didn't help the tiredness. We did stop in our local on Monday night to do drinks for the official birthday of my bar friend - it was good seeing everyone, and having to force myself to be happy and perky, actually made me feel happy and perky for the time we were at the bar. I should try that more often.

And on Wednesday, oh Wednesday. I was slated for a Detroit trip - connecting through Boston. I looked at the weather report on Wed morning and gleefully told Blondie I'd see him that night as NYC and Boston were getting hit with a rain storm, and a blizzard was dropping 5-10" of snow on Detroit (how could one of those flights not cancel?). And then ate my words as all flights went on time, with no issues whatsoever. The nice part of the trip out was my 1st class seat from JFK to Boston. The worst part of the trip out was when I got off the plane in Boston and realized I was getting right back on the same plane to head to Detroit, with the same flight crew, who all were like "oh look who's back!" when I got back on the plane to head to my coach class seat this time.

The Detroit trip was pretty good actually - I got my rental car (ugh, driving) and picked out a brand new, bright red VW bug. I actually really liked the car, and the drive (about 20 miles out of Detroit) was also pretty pleasant. The roads were clear (the airport runways weren't, the roads were - go figure), but it was bitter cold. I got to my hotel that night and met up with a coworker from CA. We got to talking about some things that were going on with her and work, and I finally checked email for the first time in about 8 hours. And realized I got put on another project, kicking off this week - at the Oregon/CA border. And then called Blondie and cried a little. I just want a break from traveling. One break - 2 weeks of being at home with Blondie and Tigga, and not worrying that I can't have a nice dinner with Blondie b/c I need to be in bed at 8 pm for a 5 am alarm, or a 7 am plane, or any of that shit.

I was up early that next day - par for the course, and headed out with my coworker to our meeting. The meeting went really well actually - everyone was super nice and I'm excited to work with them. I got the rest of my trips to Detroit in my calendar (4 more by the end of April), and now need to coordinate those with several trips to CA by the beginning of May and a trip to KY tossed in the mix. Afterwards, my coworker and I stopped for lunch where I had one of the best salads I've ever had - a wilted spinach, dried cherry and red onion salad. The combo sounded disgusting to me, but I still ordered it - and have never been so happy in my life.

I then said goodbye to my coworker and drove back to Detroit to stay in a super fancy pants hotel that night - I checked email when I got there, and got official notification that they had finally resolved the issues that were causing havoc at my NJ site!!!!! The release had gone out that morning, and word from the ground was that use of the product was in full swing (finally!). I was sooooooo VERY happy that everything had finally gotten fixed, but honestly, soooooo VERY disappointed that I was not there when it finally happened.

While I was lying on my hotel bed, just kind of feeling the weight being taken off my shoulders, my cell phone rang. And it was the 3rd party site at the NJ/PA border that I work with. They had some issues earlier in the week (that they had worked with their salesperson on) and were calling to give the good news that they felt they had gotten past those. Squee! And then they hit me with another request, that I had to punt on. I had them send it to me in email, and then called a coworker to tag team on it with. It's something I don't think will happen, so immediately, weight back on my shoulders.

I gave up then and headed down to the lobby for a glass of good wine - plopped down in the bar area, and ordered a couple of glasses of red along with brussel sprouts and a stuffed banana pepper. Then went back upstairs and raided the concierge lounge (one of the perks of traveling is the membership levels you get at hotels and airlines) for a scotch, before calling Blondie and passing out without touching the scotch.

And Friday, back to NYC - with a 2 hour layover in Boston. Flights went on time again, which made me grateful, but landing at 6 pm on a Friday night means a subway back (or a 3 hour cab ride). It actually worked out pretty well though and I was home by 7:15 pm. To do absolutely nothing this weekend. No shit. We left the house on Saturday to run to the grocery to buy fruit and potato chips (dinner, holla!) and that's it. I rode the bike at the gym for 30 mins on Saturday. I did a bit of yoga today. And I've vegged on Gossip Girl reruns.

This week - FINALLY. No definite travel plans yet, although I will definitely be back at my NJ site 1-2 days this week. I have a bright and early meeting tomorrow morning, I have to get my roots fixed (unintentional ombre hair will never be a look), the cat needs to go to the oncologist, and my boss is making me interview 2 candidates for a position at my company. On top of that, I'm kicking off my CA project, and gearing up for 3 days in Detroit again next week (and all the work I have to do to prep this week for it). So even my off week is not an off week.

I told you. Pity Party. And nobody is invited but me.

For my seeking-info-on-Tigga peeps - that's finally some good news I can give you. We'll get official news this week after his oncologist appointment, but the cat has gained some weight!!!! It's not visible to the eye, but I picked him up on Friday night when I got home and was all "whoa!" You can definitely feel the gain - we're guessing 1 pound! He also has gained some energy - Blondie was playing with him like old times today and Tigga was playing back. So good to see it. It's such relief!!!!

Next week I'll do my best to pull my head out of my ass.

--K